all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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