The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
