you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
