I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
