How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
