the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
