Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
