Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
