Duck Duck Cougar?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
