How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
