I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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