i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
