R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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