did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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