I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
