I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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