my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
