Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
