The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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