i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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