cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
