ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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