perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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