I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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