Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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