Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
