Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
