I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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