6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
