What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
