Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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