i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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