This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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