a queef is a wish your heart makes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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