On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
