Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
