I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
