Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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