Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
