If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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