I am in a vortex of obligation.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So here I am, sexting at work.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
