I'm drive I can fine osifer
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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