I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
