i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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