i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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