tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
