Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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