i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
