Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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