Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
