I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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