smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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