I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
