I feel like abortions should bother me more
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
