you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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