When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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