She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
