i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
