So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
