He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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