the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
