I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
