i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
