When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
