were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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