Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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