My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
