Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
