he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
