idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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